Dad's Life

Take Your Fingers From My Hair

When it comes to romance and dating everyone seems to be an expert. So I will throw in my two cents. At least this is the reason for my current state of single-ness.

Simply put. I’m a nice guy.

We do finish last. Women want a rush, they love not being able to count on someone and wondering if they are interested or not. When they know that stuff, it’s not exciting therefore they lose interest. And then when the “jerk” doesn’t workout they yearn for the nice guy again… until they don’t feel “it” again.

I’m going to do more than just give an opinion, I’m going to give a scientific backing. bet you didn’t see that coming. Well, it’s science if you call psychology science (I do).

When we are we yearn subconsciously for the old days. The days in high school when hormones were flying amuck! Try to talk a 17 year-old who is “in-love” out of thinking they want to get married or into dating more people, and they’ll tell you that of course you don’t understand — you’ve never felt love like this. No human has. What they and their guy or girl has is the kind of love that freaking changes the orbits of planets. In all of the universe, there has never been a love like this, so back off, old man.

And you sure as hell can’t point out to the couple that their hormones will never be at these levels again. They’ll think you’re dismissing what they have as teenage horniness, not realizing that those hormones also mean that every emotional impulse is piped into stadium-ready stack amplifiers and cranked to Woodstock levels. You will feel that burst of adrenaline and stomach flutters when you touch their hand or just glance at them from across the room, and think, wow, if this isn’t love, nothing is. God knows They say it’s their “heart” but the feeling kind of radiates from the gut.

As older people we say we don’t have that “Gut feeling”. We got smarter… just misplaced the feeling still.

Look, love is clearly located somewhere in the torso area, that’s what matters.

That gut feeling is as addictive as any drug, and once you experience it for the first time, you’ll start to crave it, or think that a relationship is dead without it. You even miss it when you get older, divorced and look for that next great love. The problem is that a lot of the fluttery feeling you get is a physical reaction to anxiety and the physical reaction goes away as you adjust — that’s part of the mechanism. Mix in the absence of youth hormones with adult sanity and the physiocal reaction goes away fast or may be non-existant.

So we pass up great people who make us comfortable immediately. And when we date someone, the longer you’re in the relationship, the more comfortable you become around that person, and that rush disappears. Most people mistake that for “falling out of love.”

The difference between that rush and actual love is the difference between seeing a picture of an adorable puppy and actually owning a dog. Yes, part of the experience is its adorable brown eyes and soft fur, but it’s also about you carrying its poop around in a little plastic bag. (No dating as an adult is not carrying poop around). The point is that love is the whole package. It’s not a single emotion that can be identified and distinctively felt like anger or happiness. It’s a series of connections that exists above and beyond day to day emotion or circumstance, something you feel even after you wake up to find she has grown a third arm shaped like Steve Harvey.

You Won’t Believe Me Anyway

I talk about this all day, but the truth is, the next time those butterflies gut shot you, everything you just read will evaporate. Because this relationship is the one you’ve been waiting for. You can feel it – in your gut – for now.

Blame The Media

Every single love song or romantic movie insists that you only get “one true love,” one “soulmate.” So you get used to the idea of that perfect moment that bestows “true” love upon you exactly once in your life… and if you don’t latch onto it when it arrives, that’s it. If you don’t feel the “Gut reaction” this can’t be the one, so you move on to the next. Dating websites have made that easier. So when you’re hit with that tide of emotions the first time, you think, “Well, I’m one of the lucky few to have found my ‘one’ on my first try. All the more proof that it was meant to be!”

Then, about the sixth or seventh time in your life that you feel this emotion, you’ll realize that the idea of “one true love” is crap. Unfortunately, the only way to truly learn this is to experience it for yourself, to feel it come and go and come again. Just like every other lesson of youth.

I’m not saying the feelings you have for your partner are just side effects like eating at Taco Bell. Just stop and realize that there’s more than your gut involved. And those other parts down below too

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